J’Accuse, an innovator if ever there was one, came up with the first Crossword Blog while Twanny brilliantly perfected the idea with his own mind-bloggling Tisliba Kriptika which had even the most linguistically canny among us scratching their heads in sheer dismay.
Now Lanzarote is proud to present the first:
Are you a fascist (F), a member of the liberal elite (LE) or simply a clueless bastard (CB)? Read on and find out.
This quiz comes at a time of great social upheaval in the proud island nation of Melita. Our well-being is under threat. Hysteria is rising. External influences, globalization, Europe, Africa and internal discontent threaten to rip our homeland apart. It is time for YOU to choose!!! Are you a fascist, a member of the liberal elite or simply a clueless bastard? As usual there’s no other choice. Take the quiz and find out NOW!!!
The ANR is:
a) God’s Gift to Our Nation
b) Diametrically opposed to Christian belief
c) This must be a trick question.
You think Philip Beattie is:
a) A modern crusader knight. Orlando Bloom, be afraid!
b) Le Pen in sheer camouflage
c) An Everton player who scored against Chelsea
Which phrase best describes “Graffiti”?
a) “Left Wing Monsters”
b) Rebels with a cause.
c) Blokes who sell tight jeans and Che Guevara t-shirts at City Gate. I bought one once.
Mark Montebello:
a) should simply get a life
b) is a modern day martyr. Pity he’s also a priest
c) Mark who?
Malta in 2005 is a country:
a) ravaged by the pernicious stench of liberalism
b) heading towards totalitarian doom
c) strategically placed between Sicily and Libya. It has a sister island called Gozo. Beer is cheap.
A “foreigner” of dark complexion asks you the way to the public library. You:
a) send him in the opposite direction. He he!
b) take him there yourself, missing your 10am appointment with your lover in the process.
c) admit you’ve got no bloody clue where the public library is.
You describe your principles as:
a) Dio, Patria, Famiglia (and proud of it)
b) Marx, Darwin, Freud (with a dash of Guevara)
c) Juve e basta!
Are you a racist?
a) Erm. No, but…
b) No comment
c) Ma nafx
How would you describe “multiculturalism”?
a) The Maltese are a pure race. Full stop.
b) A mind-expanding experience. A bit like an LSD high, man.
c) Jien kontra l-EU!
Your number-plate is:
a) DVX 007
b) CHE 069
c) JUV 001
Where will you be in 10 years’ time?
a) MEP for the ANR
b) MEP for the Tamil Tigers
c) MEP for anyone mate. Good job, good pay and you get to meet Lou Bondi when he’s in Strasbourg.
Results:
Mostly "As": Congratulations! You are indeed toying with fascist ideas which have, among others, led to severe brutality and awful architecture. You have excellent chances of being elected to the European Parliament in 2009 if current trends persist.
Mostly "Bs": You're just a poncy wannabe intellectual aren't you?
Mostly "Cs": Congratulations! Never was there a time when "ignorance is bliss" applied with such vigour! You will be entirely immune to Xarabank audiences debating immigration, letters to the editor bathed in prejudice (or coated in biblical quotes) and to the slow but painful sight of a complex issue torn to shreds by a lynch mob salivating for some action. Just sit back, sip that Cisk and get high on Sky Sports. ¶ 7:33 AM
